Apparently I am in a very negative emotional space lately.
Actually. I know I am.
I think I put myself there on purpose and I’m riding it out.
I think I need to feel my way through this one.
Today, during a fairly ‘innocent’ conversation, an idiot told me,
“Well, mine is natural though”
And I wanted to swap her with a big FUCK YOU swipe to the head.
Let me give you some back story.
One of my Chickens is adopted.
I won’t ever say which one…and sometimes it is hard to figure out, even looking right at them because they all look freakishly like their dad.
(although, their intelligence, logic, and integrity comes from me)
I always say I could drop any one of them in the middle of the city where their dad grew up and everyone would know exactly which family they belonged to.
They all look THAT MUCH like their dad.
Strong genetics, no?
The fact one of my kids is adopted rarely is something I think about anymore.
I have cuddled, diapered, fed, paced floors, consoled, giggled with, sang to, disciplined and all that other mommy stuff the same amount for each and every one.
The ‘adopted’ one came home with us as soon as there was a release from the hospital designating health.
The only difference is, the “adopted” one didn’t make me fat or hormonal or need to do special exercises so I didn’t pee when I laughed.
They are all one and the same to me.
I love them the same.
I don’t see them as different.
They are all mine.
From their core outward.
In my eyes, there is nothing different about them.
And, like I said, I rarely think of the adoption.
Long term…absolutely. For a long list of reasons. And in all honesty, there are days when the Chicken asks a question where I have to explain that she was in a very special mommy’s tummy…but not mine.
I have to explain that my tummy was broken, so another loving mommy shared her tummy and gave me the bestest gift ever…and I got to bring him home with me.
You know…this Chicken is only a breath or two older than a toddler….have to keep the conversations appropriate.
Day to day?
It’s my kid.
How do you think of your kid? As amazing, and loving and funny and frustrating and stubborn and annoying and intelligent and hysterical and creative and every other word in the mommy-describes-kid dictionary.
Yet, in this conversation, this lady knew my kid was adopted because of “talk” she had heard from people in a previous social circle that thought it was her business to tell the free world my ex and I had adopted.
And as we spoke, she told me that the main reason that I was in shape and she had a fat ass was that my kids were adopted and hers “are natural”
I almost shit my pants.
You have a fat ass because you eat too much junk and you barely workout.
Not because the TWO KIDS you have are “natural”
As a reminder…although one was lucky enough to be blessed upon my family from a very, wonderfully, generous angel, the other two were bundled up in my gut like the little parasites they were for a LONG ASS TIME.
That being said, regardless of the body/weight issue at hand.
What the FUCK do you mean “natural”
Is my kid not “natural”?
What kind of horrible concept is that?
He wasn’t a science experiment.
She wasn’t chemically or biologically engineered together in some sort of freak lab.
He was created.
He spent nine months snuggled into the tummy of another woman.
She grew strong.
He was born.
Like every other little boy and girl on this planet.
And I’ve mentioned that this little Chicken’s story is their story to tell.
So, I won’t tell it here.
It isn’t really any of my business.
But, what I do know, is that my little Chicken is “Natural”
Adoption doesn’t make you “unnatural”
It doesn’t take away any of your humanness.
It doesn’t take away from who you are, your history, your family, your potential, your ability to live a healthy, vital, NATURAL life.
It doesn’t take away from your value.
Adoption is part of the chain of life.
The key to human survival.
It has happened for millions of years for millions of people and in multitudes of species.
And it will continue to happen.
It is a NATURAL part of humanity.
Today was an example of how people are idiots.
And they will do or say anything to make themselves feel better about themselves, and in this case, their fat asses.
And it is a sad day, because in her journey of self-acceptance, she had to throw a toddler under the proverbial bus.
Perhaps she thought that her comparison of our hip spans as mothers could be justified because she had two “natural” kids and I got mine from some far off land of scientific, chemically engineered, unnatural babies.
Outside of the gross lack of logic (umm… I had to pregnancies…actually more if you want to count a miscarriage or two along the way) in her argument, it is hateful to judge another person’s family and make value claims over people…especially when those people are so young they don’t have the verbal or cognitive capability to defend themselves.
It is hurtful.
And it is wrong.
One of my fears for my Chicken growing up is having this horrible identity crisis due to not knowing the true biological roots…..
But, I think that my fear is developing more in the field that people are idiots.
They don’t understand and are too stupid to realize that adoption doesn’t make you, or your family, or your future UNNATURAL.
It just makes you a PERSON.
A valuable one.
A valid one.
And important one.
So – in the name of face-saving and not coming across as “that” crazy lady at the gym, I bit my tongue and nodded.
YES! You’re fat because you had “natural” kids and I’m not because mine are “unnatural”
Sometimes you just have to let people sit in their pot of stupidity, hoping that one day they will figure it out.
This wasn’t a fight I needed to fight.
It would have been a horrid waste of my time.
Plus, I have unnatural Chickens I need to dedicate my time to.
Making sure they realize that regardless of the gut they brewed in for a few months before blessing this planet with their Bad Ass Selves, they are my heart and soul and spirit.
And, probably, UNNATURALLY amazing.
It doesn’t matter who bore the brunt of their pregnancy.
They are mine.
And I guess kinda their dads (I say that begrudgingly)
and they are Amazing.
And luckily, their Amazing is more powerful than the Stupidity they will face growing up.
Because, as we all know….
Adopted or not, Stupidity is something that we NATURALLY have to put up with.