It is kinda sad.
Since I started this blog.
And since I started to talk to people.
The sad realization has shadowed over me time and time again.
The same shit that I have spent the last 14 months mucking through is the same pile of shit thousands of women are mucking through.
I HATE that I’m not alone on my hike.
I am disgusted and angered that my story isn’t MY story.
Not being selfish.
Not wanting to be ‘special’
but for the simple fact that people should never have to suffer at the stupidity and selfishness of someone who claims they would love and respect them forever.
“Until death do we part”
It makes me sad.
But, it makes me strong, too.
It makes me not want to shut up.
And it makes me want to share my story.
And really…at the end of the day.
My divorce story was (perhaps still is on days) debilitating.
There are days when I am angry.
On other days I’m invigorated.
With the thought of opportunity, and strength, and challenges.
Life is a shit hole at the beginning stages of divorce.
Especially when you just popped a baby and are insanely post-partum emotional.
Eating an apple is emotionally exhausting after having a baby…no wonder I was such a mess when I was left alone at the ‘cradle.’
I guess my message is simple.
And it is a message that some pretty amazing people have pounded into my head
Some of whom still bonk me over the head with it.
And in the blogosphere
Life is hard.
IT WILL GET BETTER.
YOU will be strong.
YOu will be amazingly strong.
You will make new friends.
You will sift through the ones you have and decide if you want to keep them.
You will re-create who you are.
You will get stronger.
You will breath again.
You will learn to love the new you in the new life.
It won’t be hard.
You will probably laugh and cry and buy shit you don’t need and drink too much booze when your kids spend the first night alone at the house.
that is OK.
In fact, it is excellent.
Learning how to live again after a divorce is fucking hard.
Learning how to breath while you are in the midst of the emotional fire is excruciatingly difficult.
It will be so worth it.
You will learn how to re-prioritize.
You will embrace the opportunity to re-create.
You will celebrate your new life.
You just need to hang on, head-up, back strong for a bit.
You will surprise yourself with how powerful you are.
In my journey I’ve learned a lot.
I’ve learned I appreciate solitude like I never thought I would.
I’ve learned I miss chaos when it is gone.
I’ve learned to make new friends.
I’ve learned to value my family.
I’ve learned to do what I love.
I’ve learned not to settle on shit I think is important.
And – I’ve learned it is a learning curve.
I’m still learning.
I’m learning how to appreciate what I put on the table.
I’m learning to value myself.
I’m learning to think for myself, regardless of what people say around me.
I’m learning to celebrate life.
And I have no doubt that any pile of divorce shit that swallows up any woman’s boots will only feed into her beauty.
Divorce is the manure of life.
It is sticky, smelly, and fucking hard to deal with.
But, it feeds your body, soul and mind.
So hang on there, mamas.
Your story is our story.
Embrace the manure.
I promise it will be worth it in the end.