I find myself telling my son to “Hocus Pocus…FOCUS!” more and more frequently.

I know.

He’s a little boy.

His hocus pocus is on things that are significantly more important than anything coming out of my mouth…you know; terrorizing his sisters, playing cars, running, jumping, climbing or getting into some sort of shenanigans that I don’t want to think about for too long…

Anyway.

The point?

I am having some Hocus Pocus Issues.

How do I know?

My attempt at a yoga practice has been HORRIBLE these last few weeks.

Any time I should have quieted my mind, attempted to breath, or focus long enough to not come crashing down on my face was a pretty solid failure.

I couldn’t do it.

Last Thursday I was a half-breath away from packing my shit up and leaving.

I couldn’t handle it.

It was too physically demanding and too emotionally draining.

I was frustrated and agitated.

And…Sunday?

Same story.

Worse,even.

Too much slow movement, reflection, breathing….

Too quiet.

Too much.

Exhausting.

Somehow I sucked it up and went through the motions.

And going through the motions must have helped.

Yesterday night I was finally focused….

Well.

As focused as I could be,

Today?

Better.

And I think I know why.

Yesterday and today my lovely Yoga Guru just kept talking about how we do what we can do…

And that ‘doing’ is the best we can be.

And that ‘doing’ is our own to OWN.

It didn’t matter what anyone else in that room was doing.

It was all about us.

And she reminded us…”It doesn’t matter what you are doing or what you look like…you are amazing.  Just be amazing..and don’t quit”

So – we trudged through like a million trillion “boat” poses that were on a high sea of storms.

You know…so many freaking moving boats I literally thought i was going to vomit.

But – I did it.

Mostly.

Moving and breathing.

And not always in the right way.

Most definitely not in the pretty way.

But – movement.

And breathing.

Ahhhhh.

It felt good to breath again.

And let go.

And expand my stomach and my lungs and take in new air and appreciate the fullness of my breath.

I also came to a realization today.

I understand the power of yoga.

Well…at least a tiny facet of it.

As humans, we like consistency.

We like to know what to expect.

The ‘knowing’ is what makes us comfortable.

But – although we like consistency and come to depend on it for security,

life is anything but consistent.

Half of our battles are battles that we fight to act consistently in a world that is bouncing around us.

We fight to remain stable in a stormy sea.

And it is fucking HARD.

Yoga is a good reminder that we are amazing people…strong, powerful, focused and able.

Yoga allows us to explore movements over and over again as in different emotional environments.

We learn how to find stability in our own chaos.

And when we find we can do a head stand or tree pose…or even a downward dog from emotional states of chaos to those of bliss and purity, we can take these lessons off the mat.

Yoga is a safe place to explore change.

When we find our confidence on the yoga mat, we take this confidence out to the real world.

And we know we can thrive in change.

Even when it is difficult.

Even when we feel like we are drowning or struggling to breathe.

Yoga allows us to learn how to breath through struggle and succeed.

AND – more importantly…like we were reminded today…we are awesome just for hacking through whatever it is we are attempt to hack through.

Life isn’t easy.

It isn’t pretty.

But, it doesn’t matter.

What is important is our willingness to fight through the challenges the best way we can and celebrate the little wins in life…regardless of what other people say, do or think.

I know I’m past the age of impressing people.

 But today was a good day.

Why?

I was able to impress myself.

And get my ‘hocus pocus’ back.