Once again we have a theme of tears wetting the fingers that type this.
Today was a sad day.
And although nothing different than normal happened, it all happened in a way that is different.
If that makes any sense.
My dearest mom and step dad have taken over the job of the “Chicken Exchange” at my house.
When the Fox comes, I go into hiding
(yep, I’m brave like that …don’t judge)
and the Chickens head out with the grandparents to get loaded into the new truck of MP.
(yep. Another point of disgust…but I digress).
Today I had to do it.
And it wasn’t the Big Chickens who (thankfully) bound into his arms joyously that had to be passed off.
It was Baby Chicken.
She is MUCH harder for me to share.
The list is long, and perhaps one day I’ll share it with you, but for now, we’ll leave it at that.
Today when the Fox came she started to cry.
And she looked and me.
She looked through me.
She wasn’t happy.
Her eyes were saying “Don’t leave me.”
I am kinda crying now just thinking about how horrible it was to hand her away
(even though I know the Fox loves her in his own special way)
while she pleaded with her Big Round Baby Chicken eyes for me to come back.
I had to will myself to keep walking without turning around.
I could hear her cries all the way to my car.
So as I drove away, I called my 30-Miler (poor girl listens to me cry every day)
and I started to make a list of what makes me happy.
The list was long.
And I started to smile through my tears.
1. People taking a walk.
That is all I came up with.
I LOVE to see people out walking.
It makes me happy.
I’m not quite sure why, really. But I love it.
When Chicken One and Chicken 2 were little, we walked EVERY day.
Rain, shine, snow or sandstorm
(Ok, that is lie. I live in outside of San Francisco, we get rain, shine and fog, but that loses some of the drama, now…doesn’t it?)
I love walking.
Looking at houses.
Squinting into the sunny sky to watch the clouds pass by.
Breathing in the unique scents of the suburbs.
Listening to the tress whisper and the birds sing.
It is peaceful.
I miss walking with the kids.
I miss walking the dog.
(who had to move in with my dad, but that is another story for another day)
I just miss walking.
Maybe the kids and I will start our nightly walks again soon.
Part of my love of living in Europe was walking.
I could easily lose myself in the streets of the city for hours uninterrupted.
Breathing in the city.
The luxury of walking.
So, to come full circle, I think that I found my happy place today.
Today was horrible.
But, walking made me smile.
Even though I wasn’t even walking.
Just watching someone else walk seemed to work.
I know that there are more years ahead that are filled with the Great Chicken Exchange.
And I am sure that it will get easier on some currently incomprehensible level.
But, when the days are hard, and the tears start to gather in the corners of my eyes, and when my heart feels like it can’t beat another beat, I’ll walk.
Not run like I’m used to.
I’ll walk to be.
And I’m sure,
that it will be good.