I’m sure it happens to the best of us.
You know…have a beautiful holiday…one with smiles and cheer and whatever other junk you do to make it ‘perfect.’
And then the next day sucks.
That is totally my life today.
I’ve had this odd longing to hang out with a specific group of my most fabulous friends. . . . not that they know each other and would necessarily get along (the whole concept is doubtful since of all the girls that weren’t my friend when I was 8, I think I only liked one when I met her…and I think I only liked her because I met her on a park bench and I figured I’d never see her again…she was safe….Anyway…I didn’t like them at first, so I’m gonna jump out on a ledge here and think they wouldn’t like each other either. That would actually kinda suck. Since this whole fantasy day I’m inventing to make this holiday hangover of suckiness better would entail them getting alone…I don’t know where I”m going with this so I’ll stop and move on).
So – long story short. Today sucked.
Did I say that, yet? If I didn’t…well, now you know.
The baby was up and ready to start the day at 3am. I didn’t go to bed until midnight. So, I was tired.
(please listen in for the violins playing a tune of sadness and pity here)
Then the other kids woke up too early.
And one was sick…so, she spent a significant amount of time in the morning crying.
(violin music crescendos..tears should be forming as your commiserate with my woes).
I did get to the gym and get in an 8 mile run…so, that was pretty good.
Came home and the violins started up.
I don’t even know why it was so shitty.
All I know is that it was.
Partly, I think I was a bit bitter.
I was exhausted. I was burnt-out. I didn’t want to hear another whine, cry, tantrum, cough, stuffy nose, complaint, fight, tattle, protest, outburst or any other negative anything that could feasibly, potentially, hypothetically come out of a kids mouth (or any other orafice) ever again.
And I was alone.
I initally embraced the whole parenthood gig because I misunderstood parenthood to mean parentShood.
I thought that when days were shitty and I needed a short break, I would have a back-up.
And -although it isn’t earth-shattering, lo and behold, my back-up system is backing his system up with someone else.
As I have spent endless nights up with an infant and a kid with a horrendous case of the croup, the other parent is seemingly gone. His contribution to the family is sending me an incessant (and nails-on-the-chalk board grating) stream of texts saying “please tell me the kid are ok.”
Those texts TOTALLY help.
Like – a LOT of help.
So -today sucked because I was resentful the guy who spent years dreaming about parenthood was off living a new life without responsibilities while I was here attempting (and failing brilliantly) at being both parents.
It isn’t fair.
So – as I sat and moped about the injustice in my world, I wished I had a few specific friends with me. Each one knows how to make me laugh, would have swept in and let me take a nap and changed diapers and cleaned runny noses, talked shit about the missing link in the whole parentShood equation, brought me coffee spiked with booze, some chocolate and would cry with me, rant with me, and make me feel like a human again. All without judging, questioning or giving me advice. They would come and be and let me be.
Today was a shitty day. I let the shit pile up on any potential good. I realized it was happening and let it happen anyway. The violins have been playing, reminding me I am whining and perhaps playing the victim. And I kinda don’t care.
I just want my friends from across the country to bust in.
I don’t even care if they have chocolate and booze.
I just want them.