The Exhaustion of Divorce

I decided that of all the words that someone can use to describe a divorce, my favorite as of late is EXHAUSTION.

There is nothing that isn’t exhausting.

Well, maybe somewhere there is something liberating and new down the line.  For now. All I want to do is curl into bed with a good book and a bottle of water and rest.

I am so tired of dealing with the details of divorce.

The paperwork and the emails, phone calls and bill pay.

I am utterly overwhelmed with the chaos of raising three kids who just don’t understand why their daddy lives with another lady in another house and doesn’t want to live with them anymore.

I am tired of the fighting.

I am tired of the unknown.

I am tired of the responsibility.

I am tired of how strong I have to be all the time.

Divorce is hard.

A friend told me the other day, “You don’t know how strong you are until all you have left is your strength”

On the days I wake up in the morning, even more achy and sleepy than when I fell asleep the night before, I find myself asking if I have anything left.

And I do.

I have family. I have friends. I have my little chickens.

I have people I can cry with. I have people I get to be angry with. I have people who make me laugh. I have people who will listen.  I have advice-givers and commiseraters (is that even a word?! It should be!) and then I have my kids.

They remind me to be present.

They remind me to giggle at the silly stuff and get angry at the injustices (you know, like when someone takes my Barbie) and roll around on the floor and act like a dinosaur (umm, don’t judge…you should try it).

I can definitely say I am getting tired.

I will even admit to being exhausted and fantasize about 12 hours of sleep and days at the spa…and chocolate…yes…LOTS OF CHOCOLATE…at the spa while I’m sleeping….

But, I am strong.

And I get that I have a lot more than strength left.

I have people to remind me of my stregth.

And I have kids that remind me to be strong.

Divorce is hard.

It is exhausting.

But, perhaps the liberation that comes with it will be the strength I find to get through it.

Definitely something to work towards.

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About Candied Life

Exploring the stigmatized side of living--just to shake life up a bit.
This entry was posted in adulthood, Burn-out, children, divorce, family, loss, marriage, moving forward. Bookmark the permalink.

4 Responses to The Exhaustion of Divorce

  1. gin4me says:

    welcome to the club! stay strong and continue to roll around the floor and find barbie! x

  2. Thanks! I will and YES…Barbie is at the top of the “to do” list!

  3. I realize that you posted this quite a while ago, but having just googled “divorce exhaustion,” I found you.
    I’m so glad I did. In two weeks there will be movers at my house to move my furniture to my mother’s. I’ve spent the last few weeks moving my boxed things by the carload.
    I do hope that once I am away from my toxic marriage I’ll be able to get some rest. Off to look for your recent posts… hoping that you aren’t as tired anymore. :)

    • Welcome to the Candy Jar!

      Yes. Divorce is exhausting. And YES…I posted this quite awhile ago…and although the exhaustion from that post has dissipated, there are new “divorce” exhaustion that I am facing. BUT. Life is better. Even with the dark days, emotions, tears, and struggles that pop up unexpectedly, at the end of the day, I am thankful for not being married any more. The struggles are new and different, but – they worth not being married for…if that makes any sense.

      So – good luck. BE strong. Believe in yourself. Embrace your emotions. BE confident you are making the right choice.

      And come back again! I LOVE new readers and new comments :-)

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